You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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