How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
