Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
