I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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