Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
