wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
