You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
