Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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