dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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