Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
