I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
