I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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