my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
