Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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