Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
