i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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