Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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