I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize