your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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