we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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