He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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