loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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