Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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