The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
