Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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