I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
