Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
