You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
