if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
