Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
