As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
