can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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