I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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