I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
