I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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