I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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