On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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