my phone needs a breathalizer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize