New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
