you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
