I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
