but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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