I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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