Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
