Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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