This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
Thatβs because itβs 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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