So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
