he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
