Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
