There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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