Can i not drive my cunt home
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
