I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize