I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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