I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
