I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
