Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
