Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
