you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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