I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
