that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
