He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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