since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
