Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
