She said her name was "party"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
