I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
