There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
