Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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