so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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