Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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