people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize