I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
