you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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