This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
