I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize