Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I deserve this hangover.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
