and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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