you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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