i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
