Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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