Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
