i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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