I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
