Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
